Tuesday, October 9, 2012

No one should ever feel this stressed about using the bathroom.

That probably sounded strange. Good. I meant it.

We've covered every other subject (not really) in this blog, and darn it, I'm going to talk about bathrooms. Restrooms. Washrooms.

The Loo.

But let's not get too ahead of ourselves, here.

Where to begin... Oh. I know. The mystery door.

-insert various ghoulish 'ooo' noises and possibly the theme for The Twilight Zone-

So, this year I've moved down from the freshman dorms on the hill into a little flat complete with kitchen, bathrooms, living room, and dining area. The bedrooms are minuscule when compared with my previous residence, but the trade off is more than substantial.

So, Roommate and I moved in. Different Roommate, though. Maybe I should give her a new tag.

...Nah.

Now our house has eight girls living in it, there used to be nine, but *Squatty decided to move out. (Pay attention to that because that comes into play later.) Our room was supposed to be at the end of the hall, but due to unforeseen circumstances (namely, Squatty deciding not to follow the rules and stealing it when she showed up a day early) we ended up in the room next door. Now, in our little branch of hallway there are three doors: ours, the end room, and one that looked like a type of supply closet. It was always locked so we didn't give it much thought.

Until, one day, there was a light under the door.

The door was still locked, so we assumed maybe our Residential Advisor had gone in and left the light on. However, we became curious. What was in that room? We wandered around outside, figuring that perhaps the room had a window we could peer into. Sadly, it wasn't the case. Periodically we would try the door when no one was watching. We held stake-outs. The door stayed locked. After a while, we noticed that the light under the door seemed to go on and off without us seeing anyone come in or out of the door. Now, we decided it was possible that we just weren't watching hard enough so we intensified our methods. Still, nothing came of it.

Roommate mentioned asking the RA, but at this point, that was just too easy.

Another few days went by, and still nothing. Then came the night of a bonfire/karaoke party for all the people who were living in the different modulars. Amanda and I went and enjoyed ourselves, and as the party wrapped up we quietly stole back into our house and went towards our room. The light under the door was back. Thinking quickly and realizing we had precious little time to waste, I asked Roommate if she had a small hand mirror we could use to peer under the doorway. Excitedly, she disappeared into our room only to reappear a few moments later clutching a some sort of clasp mirror she uses in the morning to do her make-up. I stood up and motioned for her to take a look under the doorway. She crouched and stuck the mirror partway under the door, angling it to give her a decent view of the room.

I didn't have to wait long.

Roommate: "There's a toilet in there!"
Me: "...Excuse me?"
Roommate: "Here! Look for yourself!"

Sure enough, it was a bathroom. A small, continually locked bathroom. I had always thought the bathroom that we had previously been forced to use was a sort of cruel and unusual punishment, or, at the very least, designed by a man.

Reason #1. It's out in the open.

The bathroom is placed against the dining room wall and there's always a crowd of guys and girls around because people in my house are social. Disappear into the bathroom, and the whole world knows you're pooping.

Reason #2. Cramped living space.

There is one wall mirror and three sinks. I know that sounds like a lot, but when you live with eight or nine girls who need to do make-up/brush their teeth/fix acne/etc, every morning, trust me, it's very crowded.

Reason #3. Dos baƱos.

There are two toilets in the bathroom. This is both very handy and very embarrassing. On the plus side, two people who urgently need to pee can go simultaneously. On the negative side, when you're bladder shy, it's torture. On top of that, it's the "public bathroom" so you could theoretically be in there using the restroom or showering and a random guy could walk in.

Reason #4. The showers. Ohmigawd.

In said bathroom there are two showers that face each other. They have speckled glass doors and no curtains. You can't even put curtains in there, really. Now, normally when you think speckled glass door, you're thinking of that fine grain stuff that you can't see through. Not the case. Not the case, at all. These doors may as well be Pella windows. You can see through them with absolutely no trouble. This was thoroughly tested by Roommate and I while being fully clothed. Duo showering will never be on the menu, I'm afraid.

Reason #5. No. Just, no.

There is nothing separating the shower area from the rest of the bathroom. I walked in to wash my hands and saw some poor girl trying to use the glass door as a cover so she could strip down for the shower. Apparently the picture gets clearer the farther you are away from the glass, because, oh my. So much naked.

Apparently, unbeknownst to us, there was a small one-person bathroom across from our room and out of the way the entire time. On top of that, it was connected to the room that should've been ours. Regardless, we still should've been able to use it, but they were keeping it locked. It even has a bathtub.

Mildly frustrating, no?

Feigning ignorance, I decided to bring up the subject of the "mystery door" at our next house meeting. Roommate filled everyone in on our attempts to divulge the secrets behind the door including the mirror and the stake-outs. Everyone laughed, and we joined in, because, hey, it was pretty funny. Squatty, who I mentioned earlier, had a roommate named Sarah, who seemed pretty confused by our story about us continually discovering the door locked every time we tried the knob, and stated that she often unlocked it to make sure we could get in, and only rarely would she forget. About a minute later, Squatty laughs and confesses that she had started locking the door to keep us out since we didn't seem to know what the room was at the time and she liked not having to share it. I already had a little disdain for Squatty's attitude, but wow. That's a bit selfish, there, little one.

Regardless of our Residential Advisor's warning for Squatty, the door stayed locked until the day she moved out. Continuing in the motion of things, once she did move out, I still didn't use it much.

However, we began having assigned bathrooms two days ago due to toilet paper shortages. Seems the RA, a girl names Kambyl and myself are the only ones stocking the bathrooms, and, being women, it runs out quickly. My assigned bathroom to use ended up being the one across the hall from our door, but after becoming accustomed to using the other bathroom, I feel that whenever I use Squatty's old restroom I'm invading Sarah's personal space, and when I use the public area one I feel like I'm trespassing.

The confusion between the two has ultimately led to hold-out discomfort. I swear if I were a man, I'd rather go in a bottle than deal with it.

Le sigh.

(*Note: The name "Squatty" isn't meant as an insult. I just used it to describe her to Roommate once since I hadn't figured out her name, and it stuck. I'm still not sure what her real name is.)

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