I have.
Happened a few years ago.
Wouldn't have thought about it, but, after spending time at a local park with a "pay to have people try to scare you and then feel like you mortally offended them by not even jumping or reacting to their efforts" haunted trail, I did.
Seriously. I just don't get scared or startled at these events, but please don't get me wrong. I am a coward. Maybe that's a little bit of an overstatement. Plenty of things don't scare me, but still. Have me watch something silly like a Slenderman video and/or put me out in the woods in the dark and I will wet my pants everywhere.
Anyways, that strange fact ties in here somewhere...
Anyways, back home in Kentucky, we had this really sweet, haunted corn maze named "The Field of Screams." First time there I was maybe eight or nine, and a wolf man scared me so badly I fell down and peed a little. My dad, of course, found this hilarious. Not that I blame him; I only hope I'll have the ability to watch my future child share in such a traumatic experience.
In his defense, my dad did kick a mummy really hard in the barn section later that night trying to prove to me that it was only a dummy. Kudos to that guy for not reacting. He was kicked in the shin. Hard. Kudos also for being the second guy there to make me fall down in fear and pee my pants.
Anyways, that was the first time. I guess the psychological trauma allowed the growth of a fearless exoskeleton. Now I walk through those cornfields and tunnels like a boss.
Anyways, back to the clown story.
I used to go to the Field of Screams every year, sometimes more than once, with my friends. It was usually amazing. Well decorated; the actors were fantastic; corn was healthy. This particular year, not so much. There had been droughts that left the corn dry and withered, and instead of the "jump scare" that usually works fairly well, these newbies decided to basically walk out and use loud profane language. I mean, seriously. I'm not one of those people that gets worked up about that stuff, but it really made the difference between, "Oh, scary!" and, "Wow, bro. Wow. Thanks for making that so dumb." Leaving all of us feeling needlessly chastised and severely disappointed.
However, the scenery was still decent, regardless of the dying corn, so that was enjoyable.
If I remember correctly, we had a pretty decent sized group. About eight or nine of us. Including D.
Normally, I was pushed to the front because I was the only one who didn't mind risking my neck for dead nurses and dolls with chainsaws, however, as we went through the barn section somehow I ended up in the back.
I was just wandering. Not really keeping up with the group. Enjoying the scenery, you know. D and I were just barely becoming friends at that point, and I noticed that whenever the group would disappear from my line of sight, he was the only one that would eventually pop his head back into whatever room I was in to see what I was doing. At first, I felt bad because I was probably annoying him, but what the heck. I was enjoying myself.
Eventually we were in a dark tunnel and my group left, closing the door and leaving me in complete darkness. I guess the point of that room was to feel around and find the door, which would've taken me a while had D not come back for me. It was at that point I decided I'd better pick up the pace and catch up with the group. So, here's the scene. You've got D standing in the light of the only open doorway and me half-running down a thin hallway to get to him and reconnect with the rest of the gang.
I was suddenly interrupted.
Now, before I go on, I want to explain the loophole that this character put in place as vaguely as possible. Main rule: "Do not touch the actors, and they will not touch you. If you touch the actors, all bets are off."
Now, moving on.
I was about ten feet from the door when some guy dressed as a clown jumped out in front of me, placed his hands on both walls, and effectively blocked my passage. Typical getup. Painted, grinning face, foam nose, flower, polkadot suit, probably covered in blood. That sort of stuff.
Didn't scare me, but I was a little impatient to move on. The voices of my group were disappearing.
Me: "Excuse me."
Clown: "Hey, pretty lady. Why don't you touch me? Honk my nose."
Me: "Yeah, no. Not going to happen. Just let me by."
Clown: "Only if you honk my nose. I want it."
Me: "Okay, no. For one, it's against the rules. Also, you're not scaring me. You're just being really annoying."
Clown: "Don't be so feisty. C'mon; just do it."
I'll erase the rest of the conversation for the sake of brevity, but I was getting pissed off and, dang it, he just wouldn't let me pass. Couldn't even force my way by him or duck under his arms. I tried. D was still standing in the doorway watching this argument unfold as the voices of the group faded into the rest of the barn. Eventually I got so frustrated I rolled my eyes and finally reached up to "honk" this stupid clown's nose.
Immediately, I was grabbed and dry humped and whooped and hollered at all simultaneously. I panicked, pushed the guy off as hard as I could, and ran for the door.
Haha, of course D would be the only one to see that. It was humiliating and awkward. Lucky me. His eyes were probably almost as big as mine.
I guess lucky could go two ways here, though. One the one hand, not so lucky. Just embarrassing. On the other hand, if it would've been anyone else in that group, I would've never lived it down. Ever. Don't get me wrong, I told my girlfriends later what happened, but not to the full extent, and D didn't share it, really, at all.
I used to live with a cruel crowd. So, I suppose I was very lucky.
Anyways, here it is in writing to the full extent. You're welcome.
Oh, and as a bonus: new random story. Same night.
There was a small shack in the middle of the cornfield that was decorated as a demented playroom. I was pushed through first with one of my girl friends huddled against my back. As I reached the door to the other side, I stuck an arm out, pointed, and said, "Someone is going to jump out right here." Not three seconds later, BAM. A girl jumps forward and begins a scream. Problem was that when she jumped forward, she jump in exactly the wrong spot causing my outstretched finger to go right down her throat.
That was a seriously awkward moment. Both of us probably had the same disgusted, horrified expression as she slowly backed away into the shadow she came from.
I still feel awful about that.
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