Giant pens look like man-made unmentionables.

(Warning: Potentially offensive.)

Roommate: "Do you want to see what I got from the store?"

Me: "Heck yes, I do. Wait, I can’t see due to the sun glare…and now I can’t see due to a lack of glasses."

Roommate: "Wait! Don’t put your glasses on, yet. Guess."

D: "A bubble wand? Lightsaber?"

Roommate: "Nope. Jessica, you guess."

Me: "Um…a dildo?"

Roommate: "…No."

This was three minutes after I had woken up. My mind goes strange places when I’m half-asleep. Of course, this next bit was two minutes ago. Crap. Maybe I’m just like this all the time.

Roommate: "Do you know what I love about this pen?"

Me: "Um…you can use it for a dildo?"

Roommate: "…No."

Me: "That pen could steal your virginity. In fact, I’m going to steal your virginity with that pen."

Roommate: "…Jess. I’m sorry about the cookie, okay?"

Five minutes prior to the second section she tried to force feed me a cookie which ended up shattering all over my face, clothes and bed. It was sad. After this, she crumpled onto my mattress in an uncontrollable fit of laughter. My face feels like it’s bleeding.